Everyone deserves to feel smart
One of my kids is struggling with reading and writing. I didn't realise how bad it was until I was forced to home school him and I feel ashamed I haven't helped him as much as could over the last few years. But now I see a familiar pattern in how he has been avoiding writing anything down for fear of being embarrassed. He feels dumb for not being better at it and I know how he feels as I was the same at his age.
When I was a kid in primary school I was made to feel like a dumb-ass. Particularly when it came to writing. I remember people liked to point out my spelling mistakes, errors in punctuation and grammar (they still do). All while holding a note of superiority and smartness. I hated it and it made me avoid reading and writing at all costs to avoid further embarrassment. They said they were trying to help me, but it just made me feel worse.
My solution was to avoid reading and writing at all times. No easy when you are in school, so I developed coping strategies. If I didn't know how to spell a word, I would just use another word to replace it. My goal was to avoid being embarrassed, not really caring about the grade I received. So my vocabulary increased dramatically as Grammarly tells me in their weekly reports! But my school work suffered as a result.
Looking back, I realise why these things happened. I was young for my year so I was always less developed than my peers. My home life was challenging as I didn't have anyone to help me do homework or provide structure to study. Plus, lots of other things not for this blog that impact young people's confidence in themselves. So, I ended up hating school all the way through until year 12, but at least I passed.
Many are not as lucky. Quite a few of my friends dropped out of school and never received the benefits of higher education. Most of them are clever people, but the system didn't support them enough to bring out their best.
I was fortunate that it all changed for me when my mum encouraged me to see a psychologist aged 19 to get an IQ test, which changed the course of my life.
Back in the day, you couldn't go online to do one as there was no internet. This was a full day of tests to measure EQ and IQ which had to be sent to America for the results. Two weeks later I realised I wasn't dumb at all. In fact, I was actually quite bright. Who would have thought...
So, I slowly dipped my toe into higher education. A short course here, some TAFE study there, which slowly built my confidence and progressed to a Bachelor degree, a Masters Degree, writing a book and teaching at the highest level in Universities. Quite the turnaround.
My desire to be considered smart was the motivation for my studies. To prove 'them' wrong, to show the world that I could do it. I was smart. I can write.
Being made to feel stupid is a terrible thing in education as it pushes kids away from what they need most, understanding and confidence to learn at their own pace.
So next time you feel like pointing out someone's shortcomings to give yourself a small boost in superior confidence. Give some thoughts to what that might do for the other person and what they might have been through already. Perhaps they aren't as educated as you, maybe they are not as smart, but that doesn't mean their words don't have value. Their ideas deserve respect, as they do as people.
So for my son, myself and others for which writing is challenging, give them a break.
Support them to do better and build their confidence, rather than your own. This could be a child you know, a new intern at work, a student you teach or just someone who blogs on LinkedIn. It can make the world of difference to give some encouragement to those that grew up feeling dumb.
Cheers Andrew
P.S. I purposely spelt grammar incorrectly in the title to see how many people would rush to point this out without reading the blog down to the end :)
P.P.S. For those wanting to write, do it! But use Grammarly as it's awesome for helping pick up typos and minor mistakes.